|Reflections by Daughter Lisa|
I believe many of us feel deep down that little thing called "unworthiness" and that has stopped us from working through the fear and coming out the other side with benefits and reaching the very thing the Universe had planned for us, We put ourselves through agony with saying over and over "what me!" I can't do that, I can't afford that, always have an excuse not to push yourself forward that's for other people to gain success and you cheer on the sideline thinking "I wish I could do that".
Oprah used to talk about a "light bulb" moment, looking back over my life I have no doubt that has happened to me and instead of taking notice and doing something about it thought it was better to get on with what I was doing and turning that little light off. Well at my age I guess I missed the boat many times. However 12 years ago I was diagnosed Mantel Cell Lymphoma, I was told there was an experimental procedure and the Doctor asked if I would like to be amongst other patients and take the opportunity there were about 30 of us who took the plunge. It was the first time I actually heard someone shout at me saying "DO IT" I thought the voice came from someone in the room but, it was only me that heard the definite order!
I have often wondered where that voice came from but it certainly was a gift I haven't forgotten. Although actual treatment was gruelling and during hard times I would hear the voice telling me "keep it up, you're OK" I actually felt calm after and I knew somehow what ever or who ever the voice was it always seemed close by.
This week I went for my usual check up, it always is a bit traumatic, especially when you see so many people waiting for treatment, and to see the Doctor. It is sort of like a club but, no one communicates with words but we know we are all in the same boat, you hope for good news when they call your name.
My name now has been called 12 times. (12 year!) "Barbara Bradbury" in I go trying to feel cool as a cucumber after being weighed I am ushered into the cubicle waiting to see the Doctor. His assistant arrives Morning she says and plonks a very thick book of information of 12 years all about me!
She stands up and looks at me beaming with a smile saying "Barbara you are a little Miracle", the Doc walks in checking the records and then me for any problems he looks at me and say's exactly the same thing "Well now you are a miracle! See you next year."
All I want to say is if you hear a voice really urgently saying something listen and what ever you do Act on it. I have had 12 wonderful years of living on this glorious planet, yep you still have your ups and downs but, boy you really can enjoy your husband family and friends.
It might not be a Million dollars but it sure feels like it at times.
Thank you "Voice" where ever you are you have given me much and a chance to be creative, one of the things I thought, and still feel. not worthy, but by golly I try hard and enjoy my hobby, painting. Even more fun Hubby paints, my son Stuart paints, daughter Lisa is a talented photographer, my sister, her daughter and grandson all are talented artists, I am in a family club!
What more could I need?
Anyone reading this I hope it will help you listen and catch that voice! Who knows what it might do for you.
From A very Grateful human being still alive and kicking!